We live in a time where in this world we need more people exercising the art of empathy and compassion. In this episode, learn about what it means to have compassion, how to develop compassion and what are the obstacles in expressing compassion. Compassion requires genuine action. Compassion is necessary to have in healthy relationships and necessary in people’s healing journey. Compassion is an art.
Podcast 8 Transcript
Welcome to Physician Heal Thyself, the podcast empowering you to take a whole-person approach to your well-being, spirit, soul, and body. Join me your host, Dr. Ana Lara, a naturopathic, doctor, entrepreneur, and a servant of Jesus Christ. We are not just a body. We are spirit and soul. It’s time to integrate medicine and spirituality into our healing. Let’s get started.
Hey everyone. Welcome back to Physician Heal Lay Self, the podcast. I’m Dr. Laura. I hope you’ve been enjoying these episodes so far. Today I want to talk about something that I have always witnessed, but lately, it’s been more so in my forefront. I want to start off by saying that currently as I’m recording this message, there’s a lot going on in my personal life my father has been in the hospital in and out for the last several months this year, and I couldn’t help but to witness something that I see all the time in our world in general, and that is the lack of compassion. So I want to start off by sharing a story of a couple of weeks ago. It was a late night. I was at the hospital visiting my father and there were some family members there. Now, my father was very sensitive that day, not feeling well.
And so that you know when people are sick, really ill, or they have cancer, they’re in a hospital, they just have surgery or they’re in their last moments of life. They’re very sensitive, their nervous system is very sensitive. So sounds and noises, conversations in their physical body, it’s like nails on a chalkboard. And how I know this has been my own sensitivity to listening and paying attention to other people being observant, I can tell and I can feel that that person is irritable. So I noticed that he was very sensitive and irritable and just witnessed the conversation, and the behavior in the room that night. And I couldn’t help but to think the lack of compassion that the individuals in that room had. It’s not that they don’t love him. I know they love him, but their level of awareness just wasn’t there. So today I want to talk about the art of compassion.
The art of compassion. What is it? I want to start off with some definitions. I’m going to give you the dictionary verse of the definition and then I’m going to give you the Christian perspective definition of that term. And the first word I want to start off is with defining empathy. So empathy, the definition of that is yourself in someone else’s position and feeling what they are feeling. Now, let’s stop right there because you’re feeling what other people are feeling. Do you realize that most people don’t even want to feel their own feelings much less? Are they going to want to feel someone else’s feelings as well, or emotions understanding their suffering? How many people truly understand someone else’s suffering?
Envisioning yourself going through the same experience and feeling what they are going through is really key. There. Does it mean you have to go through it to understand? But if you put yourself in their shoes, you may just get a little glimpse of it because you’re not going to get the full experience. It’s not the same. The Christian perspective of empathy, is entering into another person’s world. Wow, entering into another person’s world and feeling what they feel rather than feeling sorry for him or her. There is a difference. It’s not me feeling sorry for someone. It’s entering into their world and feeling what they’re feeling in that moment. That’s a skill. The apostle Paul in Galatians 6:2, states bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. That’s the new King James version in the NIV, the word bear, is used carry.
They use carry. So you can carry, you can lift, you can bear one another’s burdens. Do you think that in our culture and our society, people are doing this? Absolutely not enough. We’re going to keep going because there’s more to tie into this later on. Now, the definition of compassion, the meaning of compassion is to suffer together with, and it’s derived from the Latin term, from the Latin language. The Christian definition is going to be a little bit more in-depth. It’s having or showing or having mercy, sympathy, empathy, or pity, recognizing the suffering of others and then taking action to help. And that’s the key thing with compassion is there is an action part to it. It’s a form of love and compassion, compassionate attitude means that we will not just choose ourselves, but we will choose others in their humanity in that moment that you will make it about them and not about you.
I will not make it about me. Like I said, I will make it more about that person. And this is an act of selflessness that some people are just not enough. In Matthew 9 36 where Jesus shows compassion to the crowd, it says, but in verse nine, in verse 36, he says, but when he saw the multitude, he was moved with compassion for them because they were weary, scattered like sheep, having no shepherd. And the key word there is he was moved with compassion. So there’s an action behind compassion and empathy. We can feel we can be in the presence of that person and feel what they’re feeling, but compassion actually requires an action and that action, you might be surprised. It’s not this big requirement, it’s the small subtle things that we do. Even if it’s reaching out and touching someone’s hand, putting your hand on their back, letting them know that you’re there, feeling their pain, that you’re there to support that person.
Jesus is a great example of compassion. I came up with different ways to the nature of Jesus’s compassion. He fed the hungry, he healed the sick. He forgave people’s sins, he restored people’s lives. He taught he freed the people from demonic possession. He showed empathy. These are the actions that he took to show his compassion to people. Now, I know some people feel like, well, I can’t go and save the world. No, you can’t. And I’m not saying that you should go try to save the world, but there are people in your small world, in your small circle of influence, your family that you can’t show compassion. And sometimes those are the circles that are hardest to see that compassion coming through. So there’s three facets that are required for a person to have compassion, and to exercise that, and that is noticing, feeling, and responding.
You have to be able to notice that there’s a need, need to be able to feel that there’s a need, and respond. There’s an action that is associated with compassion. So I want to talk about ways to develop compassion and why people struggle with compassion. Once again, I see that there’s such a disconnect between humans and each other that they’re not paying attention, they’re not being mindful of what other people are going through and experiencing. Through working with my patients, I hear it all the time, their families don’t see their medical condition as being a problem. So why are they behaving or acting a certain way? And it’s hard when you have mental health issues and people don’t take you seriously. And I get it, some people might abuse of these situations. I’m not referring to those. I’m referring to people who really are suffering, who are struggling, whether it’s physical, mental, or emotional, maybe they’re grieving the loss of a loved one which can be a very lonely state, and not oftentimes, many people show compassion.
They think that after the person’s been buried, it’s time to move along and it doesn’t work that way. It is a process and everyone’s process is different on a different timeline and compassion is sitting with them, sitting with people in their pain, in their time of need and that doesn’t mean that you’re taking on their problem, making it your problem, absolutely not. But there is a level of awareness that we need. So I want to talk about how you develop compassion and it has to start with self-awareness. You have to be self-aware of how you come across to other people, and how you are in your mind, and if you are recognizing these things about you that you lack compassion for other people, start making these next steps part of your life for you to show genuine compassion. One of the things that I find is that people do not know how to quiet their minds.
If you learn to quiet your mind, it’s going to bring clarity to the unseen things. And here’s what I mean, going back to my story at the beginning of my dad at the hospital, family members there, they’re talking, they’re on their phone, there’s all these noises. He’s not doing well. I could tell that he was very irritable. He’s very calm and peaceful. So from the outside, he looks fine. He looks like he’s asleep. But see, I went up to him and I put my hand on his forehead and on his chest, and I could tell that his nervous system was not happy. And every time there was a noise or something was going on in the room, there was a change in his physical body. Now I know I’m a little different. I feel I work with these therapies that make me more sensitive to that, to people in these situations.
However, I had to get here somewhere, and that came through being observant. So having a quiet mind, means I’m not thinking in my own mind about what I need to do or what I’m feeling. I’m quieting my mind and I’m completely directing my time, my attention, my energy, my attention, my focus on that person and observing what is not physically visible, picking up on those subtle cues from them because people give you cues on how they’re feeling. And so when you do that, you’ll be more sensitive to observing things that you don’t see with your physical eyes. The third component of this is the guy’s active listening. And when I mean active listening, I’m talking about actively listening with all your senses. Listen with your eyes, listen with your ears, listen with your heart, listen with your whole body. We have receptors that we feel we pick up things in our environment.
So listen with all your senses, what is that person feeling or going through? You can feel it. The problem is that people don’t want to feel and they don’t want to listen. They just want to quickly go on their way. And once again, it goes back to step two, which is to learn to quiet the mind. People do not want to quiet their minds. They’re busy on their phones, they’re busy in their life, and they’re not willing to slow down to listen to others. So actively listening to people, will develop this skill of compassion, right? The fourth piece is once you listen, you’re going to be able to recognize the suffering in others. You’re going to develop to be sensitive to what’s going on with that person. Even things that they’re not telling you, you’re going to pick it up. Something’s wrong. What’s going on?
Tell me. My friends always say, how did you know? I’m like because I’ve practiced this so much without even consciously thinking about it, that it’s autopilot for me. I can tell when something is off with my family, with my children or patients, or out in public. I can tell when something is off. Now, if I’m really busy and I’m stuck in my own thoughts, guess what? That compassion, that sensory, it turns off. So I know it has a lot to do with what’s going on in my mind. Is it peaceful? Is it calm? Do I have clarity or is it busy? The fifth piece is understanding the universality of suffering in the human experience in America, a lot of people are very selfish. They just don’t want to worry about someone else. It’s me, me, me, I, and me, me. That is it. And I pray for those people because there’s going to be a time when you will want someone to show you empathy and compassion.
And so we don’t do these things so that we can receive it later. We do these things because we love those people and we want to be mindful and we want to be there for them, truly be there for that person. The sixth part is feeling, feeling for the person, suffering and emotionally connecting with their distress. And really there doesn’t have to be a whole lot of conversation. It might be just listening to that person speak, and sometimes it’s just a matter of holding space for them and just physically being there with them, even if there’s no conversation going on.
The seventh point is to tolerate any uncomfortable feelings aroused. This is where it gets difficult for people. So you’re tolerating this uncomfortable feeling you have that you’re sensing from this person and it’s this person’s fear. It’s this person’s distress. Maybe it’s their anger, maybe it’s their sadness, maybe it’s physical pain, maybe it’s emotional, mental pain, the discomfort that they’re having, whatever the emotions are that you’re willing to sit in this uncomfortable state with them. And I think this is where I lose most people, like why would I do that? Well, if this is your father, if this is your mother, your child, your husband, your wife, a good friend of yours, and you see them in pain, are you okay with just saying, oh, let them sit in their pain by themselves? I’m out of here. That doesn’t show love, that’s not loving, that says is I’m willing to sit with you during the good times and during the bad times, peace out.
I’m out. I’m out of here. Call me when you’re feeling better. That is not a relationship, that is not a good relationship. And like I said, there’s going to be a time that we’re going to need to have that compassion, understanding and so forth. The eighth part is to be motivated to take action to alleviate the suffering. These actions don’t have to mean like, oh, I’m going to go buy this person a brand new purse or shoes or take them to eat. It might not even be that. It might just be taking the action to go and sit with them. Now, if you’re in the same room, be with them. Look at them, put your phone away, and be with them across from them. Ask them what they need. If they don’t need anything, just sit with them. Have conversation. And this is an art. Many people don’t want to do that.
And even in our families, they don’t want to do that. It’s painful, I get it. But this is what makes relationships deeper and feel safer and loving, right? It’s this kind of art. So why do some people struggle to be compassionate? You, I talked about it before. The busyness of our minds is going to really keep us away from making the time to sit and actively listen. So people are often, another thing is people are often making assumptions or judgments on people the way they look. They fail to look past the external experience to see what really is going on in the person. So if you’re really busy, you can see someone who maybe they’re running their business, they look healthy, they look happy, they’re fine, they look like they’re fine. But if you’re not making time to sit with them and have a relationship with him and see these things there might be something else going on that they’re not talking about.
If you made time to sit with them, you would see that there might be other things going on. And this is what always, trips me when I see these celebrities really famous people that commit suicide and everyone is like, Hey, I don’t know. I never saw that coming. They’re such a happy person and they’re successful and they’re beautiful. We never saw it coming. Well, you never saw it coming because you weren’t paying attention. You were not paying attention to those unseen subtle cues that people have. And if you were close to that person, you would have seen those subtle cues of what’s going on with them. That’s why the pretty successful people that commit suicide, are giving signs, but people are so caught up in the image of what they’re projecting that they think they’re fine. So take a look at people in your life that they seem like they have it together.
They seem like they have it going on great, but some things are going on in their life. Some people might see me like, Hey, she has her business. She’s a doctor, she has a podcast, and she has her family. She’s juggling everything just fine. And I am, but it doesn’t mean that I am fine. I also need help. And I get the help and I have those close relationships that do listen and are there to help and guide me. And I really encourage people to develop those. Even if it’s one or two people, all you need is one person you can have this healthy balance. You cannot abuse these relationships either when you’re in need. So you need that balance of people to go to. Don’t always get caught up in the appearance of a person. They look healthy. They might not be healthy.
They might be dealing with cancer or an autoimmune condition that you don’t even know. They might be dealing with a mental health issue that you don’t even know. They might have been dealing with trauma, that they’re healing through continuously, and they seem okay on the outside, but they’re working on it. So compassion really is an art. And I think that a lot of people struggle because they’re too busy and they’re judging based on and making assumptions about the way a person appears. The other part is poor listening skills. I can tell when I’m being heard and when I’m not being heard, and I can tell by the way their eyes look. And there are just so many other components of a person that tell you if they’re really engaged with you or not. I remember as a kid being able to witness family members having a conversation, and I was just quietly observing them, have a conversation, and I realized no one is listening to them, they’re not listening to each other because they’re arguing the same points.
They’re just saying it differently, but they’re arguing the same thing. And so this is hilarious. If people just were to be quiet here, but quiet up here and just listen with the intention to understand the other person, then to be understood, right? I love the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey. I read it in my early twenties. It’s the best book I ever read in my life. And one of the seven lessons is that you seek to understand and then to be understood. So that means I want to understand you first before I even open my mouth and share my perspective. That is truly a skill and an art to do that. So poor listening skills are one of the reasons that people struggle to be compassionate. Then another one is, man, we have a lot of selfish, self-centered people. It’s all about themselves.
Like I said, they don’t want to stop worrying and feel about anyone else. It’s about me. I’m too busy. I have a family. I have this. I’m traveling. I’m doing all these things. Great, but what about the people who have invested in you throughout your life and have been supportive of you throughout your life? These relationships matter, and we know these relationships are really important. When we are struggling in life when we have a chronic illness, something debilitating, who are the people who show up for us? And if no one shows up for you, then you might want to reevaluate the way you are communicating and relating with other people in your life. But we have a lot of selfish and self-centered attitudes out there that it’s all about them and we ain’t got time for anybody else. I got to be successful. I got to get my money, my car and all that.
That stuff is material things. If you’ve ever experienced a loss of a loved one, you know that in those last weeks and days and moments of life, the money, the cars, the house, your degree, your career, none of that matters. None of that. The money doesn’t matter. There’s not enough money that can keep that person alive. There are no more hours of work that will keep them alive. It doesn’t matter where you travel, the people that are usually surrounded, the people that are usually surrounding the person who’s transitioning off, it’s their family. So I say, start with your family. Start loving on your family. Start listening to them. It is the hardest time. It’s the hardest people sometimes to listen to and be compassionate with, which is a great place to start showing compassion. And the fourth component of why people struggle to be compassionate, they fear.
They really fear to feel emotions. Our culture does not want to feel emotions. We will suppress them as best as we can. We’ll suppress them by being busy with work and keeping ourselves busy with anything but feeling our emotions much less are going to feel the emotions of someone else. So compassion does not require any grand gesture. It can be something simple and subtle, something simple as subtle as putting your hand on someone else’s hand when they’re expressing their pain, their grief. It could just be sitting with him in silence. I’ve heard that sometimes that could be really life-changing for someone. So the present, and it’s the energy you bring forth in that moment when you’re sitting with that person. Because if you’re sitting there agitated, anxious, angry, that person that needs compassion, they’re going to feel your emotions. And guess what? They don’t need it.
So you might as well not show up, go deal with your emotions and then come back to this person so that they can find some healing through that. It’s very important to be present with people. Now, what does that mean? What does being present mean in the life of technology where we have distractions everywhere and everything and anything is trying to get our attention right? Being present really means putting the technology away, sitting with people, looking at each other eye to eye and just being all your senses, just sitting there and making that connection. For some of us, that’s easy because we’ve practiced this maybe because of the kind of work that we do and because of life situations. And I sometimes get caught up in my world thinking that everyone can do this and they can’t. They cannot be still. And that’s a problem.
You are addicted to your technology. You’re addicted to being busy and constantly being entertained, and having a real human in front of you who’s sharing their real-life experiences, it’s not entertaining enough. It’s a heart matter. You have to check in with yourself. What kind of a human are you? Because if you cannot make the time to sit and be present and listen and make it about someone else that says a lot about the type of person that you are, and I mean, that’s not someone I want to be around. Like I said, when I am not heard, I will just walk away from the conversation because I don’t like to waste my time. I’d rather read a book. I’d rather go work out. I’d rather do something else. But to be in a conversation with someone who’s not even listening to me, why waste my time?
We ain’t got time for that. So what being present looks like is a quiet mind, no judgment, no judgment, criticizing, not making assumptions, not looking to explain either. Sometimes people just want to be heard, and it’s okay to ask that person, what do you need from me right now? Would you like me to listen to you? Or are you looking for feedback or my opinions? That way you know what you’re there for. I’m just going to listen to you. Great, and I’ll listen. You start exercising these skills. Next time you go with a friend or a family member, just listen to them. Don’t try to talk. Don’t try to interject your comments or opinions, nothing. Just listen to them and ask ’em what they need. Don’t interrupt them. When someone is talking about their situation, being interrupted really kills the moment and no longer makes them feel safe.
When they’re interrupted, it doesn’t make them feel validated and heard. If they’re constantly being interrupted and try to put yourself in their shoes, what would it feel like to be in this situation of losing your spouse or being ill with this condition? What would it feel like? How would I feel if I got the diagnosis of cancer? And try to envision what that looks like and then ask them, how can you help them? Sometimes people are able to answer that question and sometimes they’re not. And the reason is that if they’re so overwhelmed emotionally, they may not know. But if you’re around them enough, you’ll start to see that they need help. Maybe they need help cleaning their house. Let me take her out to eat or for a walk. Let me get this person out of their home because maybe that’s what they need.
So ask, we’re going to wrap up here, but I want to talk about this holding space. I get asked a lot, what is that? And that’s showing up. You’re showing up for someone and you’re fully, mentally, emotionally, physically present for them without any judgment, and you’re just going to sit with him during this difficult time. You’re just there to listen like a sponge. You’re just there to listen. So being able to make people, being able to feel their pain and emotions is really important. It doesn’t mean that you’re making it your pain and emotions. You’re not going to carry it with you when you walk away from that conversation, but you’re sitting in their bubble feeling what they’re feeling. I always envision that you have a bubble around you, and I have a bubble around me. And when we sit together and I hold space for you, our bubbles are merged, and I’m listening to you.
I’m holding space for you, whatever you need to say so that you feel safe to say it. No judgment or criticizing, not a peep. And when I walk away from that conversation, from that person, I leave what belongs to them, their emotions, their pain. I leave it with them and I take what’s mine with me This way. I’m not carrying all of their emotional pain, their physical pain with me for the rest of my day, or I’m laying in bed, right? And I’m thinking about this person’s problems. Not at all. I see people all day every day doing these things, and I rarely, rarely ever take this home with me. And if I do, I have a ritual for myself of how to release all of that. Does this not belong to me? This belongs to them. God help me to release anything that is not mine because I get it.
Boundaries and people not wanting to take on someone else’s energy. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m not saying take on someone else’s problems and emotions. That’s not healthy either. I’m not a garbage can to be dumped on either. So there are people that may do that, and you have to be able to acknowledge when that happens and set a healthy boundary there. But for most people, they just want to be heard. They just want someone to listen to them so that they can just feel better. And these relationships are very, very, very important. Allowing the person to unfold into their true essence. That’s what we want. We want to be able to find at least one person in our life that we can just be completely genuine, be real without any filters, and just share with that person how we feel. These things are very important to our health and wellness.
And the reason I wanted to talk about compassion is because it is key. Very, very important for us to show expression, to share compassion, and to receive compassion. When we are trying to heal through certain things in our lives, whether it’s physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual, we need compassion. And we have such a great teacher who taught us all about compassion, and that’s Jesus. He came to teach us to sit with each other and help each other out and not be so selfish. So in a world where there’s a lot of selfishness, I’m saying just make some time to slow down and spend that quality time with someone else just being in their presence. Because after all, if you want to spend time in the presence of the Lord, how can you do that if you can’t even spend quality time and be compassionate with the physical beings that you see here?
It blows my mind. That’s always blown my mind as a kid. If we have physical people here that we can hug and love and show love and compassion and understanding, and be kind and be empathic with them, we have them here physically, and you’re worshiping God, how does God think you’re going to show that to him and show that in heaven if you’re not doing it here on earth? So we need to exercise. This is like a training ground. Earth is a training ground for us to develop these skills and these qualities. That’s what they are. They’re qualities, and these qualities become our character, and that’s really what it is. You should become compassionate. You should become love because that’s what God is. That’s what Jesus is. He is love, and he is compassion. He is kindness. He is the living word. And I pray that more people are listening and that they’re listening with that understanding, and they’re being compassionate about people in their life, especially those that are facing illness, chronic illness, whether it’s cancer or autoimmune conditions.
Even if you’re sick with the flu or if you’re in the hospital or maybe they’re in their last moments of life, whatever that person’s going through, some mental health issues, loss, make time for those people because I can guarantee you that we all have one or two or several people in our life right now that could definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely use a serving of your compassion today. I pray that this has been a blessing for you guys today and that you guys have enjoyed this conversation. I’m not going to do this segment today on the good, the bad, and the ugly. I just really wanted to honor the topic of compassion because like I say, I see it everywhere the homeless person on the street, or sometimes I see people digging out of dumpsters. How many people pass by and see that person, and they have not shown any compassion and say, Hey, let me buy you some food.
Stop digging through there and sit with that person and talk to them. There are so many ways that we can be compassionate and loving and kind to one another. So in a world of chaos and selfishness, I want to bring something good to you and say, do something today, tomorrow, and every day of your life that exercises that muscle of compassion so that you can become a true character of who you are. So I want to thank you for tuning into this episode. I love having these kind of conversations. We’ll have some more. I want to make sure that you guys stay tuned to our next episode. I have a very, very, very special guest, and we’re going to be talking more about healing through trauma in a holistic approach. So stay tuned for that. And as always, I want to just say, I hope you have a blessed day and stay blessed until the next time. Thank you for listening to Physician Heal Thyself, the podcast. If you like what you’ve heard, please like, share and subscribe, help this message, and reach more people who may need to hear it. Leave your comments. I want to know what you think. If you’re interested in learning more about Raices, visit our website. Until next time, be blessed.